More and more I keep on finding that God is continually redefining who I am, and what I am. Before it used to be like this. God help to do just enough, keep me from drinking, cussing, and having sex before marriage. Protect me from all suffering, keep me happy, and finally take me back home after I've lived a full life with the perfect family of a wife and 2.5 kids. NO! That's not what it's about!!! This is the way I see things now and am still constantly growing. GOD! FATHER! LORD! Even should the very world stand in my and beseech me to stop seeking you because I'm doing more then can be expected, grab ahold of me and take me deeper still. Help me to throw away from me the very thought of doing wrong and to take captive everything about me for your will. Please God let me suffer! Let me suffer so that your glory will be made manifest inside of me. Let me experience your true joy in and through this suffering, and finally don't wait. Use me, expand me. Let me die as soon as my mission is accomplished no matter the age because I want to be with you.
I struggled for a long time with this one, but I've come to realize that singleness is a true blessing and I will hold tightly to it. I don't care if I'm ever in a relationship, get married, or have a family. That is not the goal. The goal is to do the will of the one that saved me.
I'm starting to truly let him be Lord of my life. I'm starting to feel what he feels for other people. Where no one else cares I am burdened, where others are clouded I see the way. I cried today hearing about the incredible pain that a person I have never met goes through. Most of the time I wouldn't have felt anything, but I felt what he felt and heard his whisper. Am I where I need to be? No I still constantly screw up, but his grace is bigger then my goof-ups. I'm getting there.
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